Stay classy, Palm Springs

"Vacation towns" are funny places.

I spent 15 minutes jealously ogling the arms of a fellow patron at a California Pizza Kitchen in Palm Springs. They were toned, but not too muscly. I detected a hint of  a spray tan, and her legs were to die for. Not a trace of fat was on this chick's body and she had the height of a super model.

Some bitches have all the luck.

I silently criticized myself for eating more than my half of a bread basket, while the woman sat with her back to me across from her date. "That's right, fatty. Keep eating those carbs and you'll never have her arms," I chastised myself from within while I buttered up the last piece of bread. I ate and ogled, ogled and ate, all while sliding down a pathetic spiral of shame.

Until the couple stood up. Apparently I had wasted 15 minutes of my life being envious of a man. A very pretty man, but a man nonetheless. This was a first. Oddly, even after it became very obvious she was a he, I continued to covet his features and beat myself up for not having the metabolism of a transvestite.

Well played, Palm Springs. Well played.

Only there can a shoplifter with serious butt crack cleavage run down the street with a stolen stuffed dog purse without being accosted by onlookers, who are far too distracted by said crackage (is that a word?) to even try and stop her. Even when the shop owner screamed in the direction of my group, "I'LL PAY WHOEVER CATCHES HER," all we could do was look at the ground and avoid eye contact. We had heels on. And we were hungry. It's very hard to be a good Samaritan in Palm Springs. So we went about our business taking selfies and headed to the Crazy Coconut- one of the finer Palm Springs establishments.

Exhibit A.

And only in Palm Springs do homeless people put their cats on a leash as if to say, "If my life is going to suck, than so is yours. And I'm going to make damn sure you can't run away to find a better one with someone else."  (Apparently homeless people with pets is a reoccurring theme this month. See previous posts.)

 

 

But if you're a karaoke lover, Palm Springs is the place to be. There's no shortage of karaoke bars  where a 30-something woman can go for a few minutes of stardom on a patio packed with imbibing fans. The more attractive women will get hit on by the DJ. I, of course, was hit on by the oldest man in  Palm Spring the bar, who told me I had the singing voice of an angel.

Apparently he was very drunk.

What I thought was an innocent compliment quickly turned creepy when he asked me for my phone number. He wanted me to "audition for his show," and handed me his business card.

His name?

Bobby B.

Of course.

I'm fairly certain he escaped a nursing home with his equally prehistoric wife, the Hungarian Born Princess Gizella, who is skilled in all things psychic, angelic, and musical. Bobby B. said there was a place for me on their team and I believe it.

When life gets me down and the kids run me ragged, I day dream  of what my life in Palm Springs could truly be like if I ever took Bobby B. up on his offer. With a voice like mine and the angelic gifts of Princess Gizella, Bobby's "show" could really take off.

 

A girl can dream.

 

Here are some other highlights from Palm Springs, 2013.



Do NOT sit next to Kelli if you have a weak bladder.

 

My view at dinner. The lovely Shalayna. Or aka, DJ magnet.

Damn Angela, and her perfect skin. Not sure I'll be taking any selfies with her in the future.



Me and my pregnant roomie. The baby's not mine, I swear.

 

 

 



October in a nutshell



It's really the same thing every October. We go non-stop until Halloween, between birthday parties, field trips, anniversaries, and fall festivities. This is a post that only those with the last name Pollard or Bull will be even remotely interested in. That may actually be true for all of my blog posts, but regardless...

 

My sister in law and I took my niece for a walk to celebrate her first birthday. Unbeknownst to my niece, we were also taking her 1 year pictures. But it's all a mind game with a one year old. You gotta play it cool. Don't act like you're intentionally taking pictures. That's just asking for a melt down. So we played it off like we were just going for a walk...with a camera...a smash cake...outfit changes...and a balloon.

Aunt Nikki:1

Avery: 0

 

But she did make out with some adorable pictures, so I wouldn't say she totally lost the round.

 Halloween is bigger than Christmas in the Pollard home. The girls decorated the house in September, and they've been planning their costumes since January. They are always, ALWAYS, ridiculously cute in their get ups. Corinne was a Monster High girl, and Taylor was Vannelope Von Shweetz from "Wreck It Ralph" (Thanks, Nana.) They never pick the run of the mill costume, and I love that about them. They're already planning for next year.

Corinne LOVES preschool, and was so excited to hang with her pals in costume at their little party.

 Tis the season for family pictures. I had the pleasure of shooting my friend, Jessica, and her family. I met her way back in the day when I started interpreting. All the boys in her college class would ask me how to sign, "You're pretty," so they could flirt with her.

These pics turned out great, and I'm feeling more and more confident behind the camera.

 Taylor is 7. I'm not sure where the time went. She is such a beautiful, loving, kind, sweet, gentle hearted kid. She is ridiculously smart and talented, and it's just fun being her mom.

I decorated her room while she was sleeping, and she woke up to birthday donuts and a rainbow rose and balloon from dad. I think she was spoiled just enough to let her know how much we love her. We like making birthdays special for the kids, and I think we delivered this year for her. She was beaming, and man does that make me feel good.

 

My pretty girl.

Money from Grandpa The Great. She was excited to get her Nobi!

Dinner with Nana. =)

 Corinne got to go on her very first field trip to the pumpkin patch. This kid LOVES school, and was so excited to be with her buds.

She's always been really loving with her family, but it's nice to see her warm up to other kids the same way. She sat for an hour the other day, writing letters and drawing pictures to her friends and putting them in envelopes for me to "mail." (I just handed them out to the moms.)

 Taylor is enjoying softball, and got her first hit last week. She even made it home. The coach calls her "Mighty Mouse," and it's pretty fitting for her being the youngest on the team.

Her cheering section.

 Our annual trip to Lambardi. We love this tradition.

 

Taylor has asked for the last 3 years to have a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. We finally gave in and it was actually pretty nice not having to clean up before or after a party.

Trunk or Treat Pics

 

Since we spent our actual anniversary at a softball game and Chuck E. Cheese, Wes surprised me the following weekend with a trip to Ventura for a night. We celebrated 12 years of marriage. It's hard to believe it's been that long, and even harder to believe he's put up with me for all those years.

 

Some fun footage of October:

Corinne dances from Nikki Pollard on Vimeo.

Pollard family garage band from Nikki Pollard on Vimeo.