Drive, Marie!

I failed miserably at motherhood today. The kids kicked my a$$. It was one of those days when I thought of how Marie Osmond once got in her car and drove away from her family for a couple days, unannounced, because she had reached her boiling point. After today, I fully understand her reasoning. Drive, Marie! They don't appreciate you!!!!

A short summary of the day:

Corinne painted our white carpeting with an entire tube of RED toothpaste while I was on the phone with AT&T.

Did I mention I was on the phone with AT and FRICKIN' T!!!! Have you ever called those bastards? Let me fill you in on how it goes.
You: I still don't have any service but yet, you've sent me a bill. I refuse to pay.
Some Idiot In Pakistan Reading From A Script: I'm so sorry, please hold.
Repeat that about 10 times, and you have yourself the most frustrating conversation of your life and at the end of it, you'll have gotten absolutely nowhere.

I took the kids bowling with a friend. You know. Trying to be the cool mom who does fun crap with her kids after school. Only to hear Corinne cry the entire time because in her two-year-old mind, every turn is her turn and if it's not, she tries to kick you. Yea. I'm raising a righteous child. One who kicks anyone who doesn't give her what she wants. Where am I going wrong!?

Oh, I could go on. I just don't want to. I want to crack open a diet coke and take a hot bath. Forget this day ever happened.