Wes and I went on a date to dinner and a movie last night. To Wes' disappointment, it was my turn to pick the movie and I chose "New Moon." I have to get it off my chest. I'm completely in love with the Twilight series. I read each book in record time, I have a book mark with Edward on it, and I got butterflies when we were waiting for the movie to start. But I should've known. After all, we did see "Twilight" in the theater and it's not exactly Oscar material. I hate to rip "New Moon" to shreds, but WHAT THE HECK!!! I mean,really? Where did they find the actor who played Jacob? He started off with a bad mullet wig (not his fault, but still), had horrendous lines (again, not his fault), but just couldn't pull off a tough guy. Yes, he's eye candy. No doubt. But every time he delivered a line, the audience laughed...and it wasn't supposed to be funny. And I just can't decide if I like Kiersten Stewart or not. It takes her a millennium to deliver a line! I understand she's trying to convey teen angst, but the movie would've been 30 minutes shorter had someone behind the camera screamed, "Spit it out already!!!" O well. I was pleased that it stayed so true to the book. Even though I have my issues with the acting, I'll still end up buying it on dvd. And who am I kidding? If someone asks me to go see it again, I will. I'm in love with the love story. Stephanie Meyer and Hollywood big shots are making a fortune off of suckers like me.
Below is a review of "Twilight" that someone emailed to me. So funny.
I present Saturday Night Drive-in's Twilight Theater:
PALE GIRL: Hi, I’m new here.
PALE BOY: I hate you. I love you. I want to eat you.
PALE GIRL: Let us go yearn for one another in the woods.
PALE GIRL: Did you just stop that van with your bare hands?
PALE BOY: No.
PALE GIRL: Yes you did.
PALE BOY: No I didn’t.
PALE GIRL: I saw you.
PALE BOY: You are clearly a crazy person.
PALE GIRL: I’m not.
PALE BOY: Look at me over here in the sunlight.
PALE GIRL: Ooooooh, sparkly.
PALE BOY: I am your darkest desire and your worst nightmare.
PALE GIRL: You’re a chocolate pony filled with algebra?
PALE GIRL: How old are you?
PALE BOY: I’m a 21-year old actor, playing a 90-year-old vampire, pretending to be a 17-year old teenager.
PALE GIRL: So you can buy beer?
PALE BOY: I’m dangerous.
PALE GIRL: I’m not afraid.
PALE BOY: I watch you while you sleep.
PALE GIRL: That’s disturbingly hot.
PALE BOY: I've killed people.
PALE GIRL: I love you unconditionally.
PALE BOY: I drive a Volvo.
PALE GIRL: I just remembered I have a thing I have to go to…
PALE BOY: You make me twitch and sulk.
PALE GIRL: You make me breathe through my mouth.
PALE BOY: I would like to take you on a date in a tree.
PALE BOY: I will refrain from doing anything un-gentlemanly, like killing and eating you.
PALE GIRL: I am dating the undead Jonas Brother.
PALE BOY: Do you see how fast I can run?
PALE GIRL: You look like a meth addict on a treadmill.
PALE BOY: You can’t run this fast.
PALE GIRL: Good. I’d hate to look that stupid.
PALE BOY: Us vampires like to play baseball.
PALE GIRL: Why?
PALE BOY: We suck at knitting.
PALE GIRL: Uh huh.
PALE BOY: See what I did there? “Suck at knitting.”
PALE GIRL: Yep, got that.
PALE GIRL: The Native American guys keep making wolf references.
PALE BOY: Shhhh. Those are sly nods to the fans who’ve read the other books.
PALE GIRL: There are more books?
PALE BOY: Yes, three more.
PALE GIRL: And we’re contractually obliged to appear in those films, too?
PALE BOY: Afraid so.
PALE GIRL: My agent is so dead.
BAD GUY VAMPIRE: I’m going to eat you. You can tell your boyfriend to avenge you.
PALE GIRL: Now? Or after I’m dead?
BAD GUY VAMPIRE: Well, not right now. I’m going to kill you right now.
PALE GIRL: Hmmm. Maybe I could leave a note for him. About the avenging?
BAD GUY VAMPIRE: Okay, that would work.
PALE BOY: Excuse me, some plot has come up. I must go wrassle this evil vampire.
PALE GIRL: Don’t mind me, I’ll be over here pining. And yearning. And bleeding.
PALE BOY: Would you like to go to prom with me?
PALE GIRL: Will there be a gazebo with fairy lights?
PALE BOY: Yes.
PALE GIRL: Will I feel like the most special, moody princess in the world?
PALE BOY: Yes.
PALE GIRL: Will there be synchronized group dancing?
PALE BOY: No.
PALE GIRL: Okay.
PALE GIRL: Our love is eternal.
PALE BOY: Our angst is interminable.
AUDIENCE: Our patience is finite.
PALE GIRL: Hi, I’m new here.
PALE BOY: I hate you. I love you. I want to eat you.
PALE GIRL: Let us go yearn for one another in the woods.
PALE GIRL: Did you just stop that van with your bare hands?
PALE BOY: No.
PALE GIRL: Yes you did.
PALE BOY: No I didn’t.
PALE GIRL: I saw you.
PALE BOY: You are clearly a crazy person.
PALE GIRL: I’m not.
PALE BOY: Look at me over here in the sunlight.
PALE GIRL: Ooooooh, sparkly.
PALE BOY: I am your darkest desire and your worst nightmare.
PALE GIRL: You’re a chocolate pony filled with algebra?
PALE GIRL: How old are you?
PALE BOY: I’m a 21-year old actor, playing a 90-year-old vampire, pretending to be a 17-year old teenager.
PALE GIRL: So you can buy beer?
PALE BOY: I’m dangerous.
PALE GIRL: I’m not afraid.
PALE BOY: I watch you while you sleep.
PALE GIRL: That’s disturbingly hot.
PALE BOY: I've killed people.
PALE GIRL: I love you unconditionally.
PALE BOY: I drive a Volvo.
PALE GIRL: I just remembered I have a thing I have to go to…
PALE BOY: You make me twitch and sulk.
PALE GIRL: You make me breathe through my mouth.
PALE BOY: I would like to take you on a date in a tree.
PALE BOY: I will refrain from doing anything un-gentlemanly, like killing and eating you.
PALE GIRL: I am dating the undead Jonas Brother.
PALE BOY: Do you see how fast I can run?
PALE GIRL: You look like a meth addict on a treadmill.
PALE BOY: You can’t run this fast.
PALE GIRL: Good. I’d hate to look that stupid.
PALE BOY: Us vampires like to play baseball.
PALE GIRL: Why?
PALE BOY: We suck at knitting.
PALE GIRL: Uh huh.
PALE BOY: See what I did there? “Suck at knitting.”
PALE GIRL: Yep, got that.
PALE GIRL: The Native American guys keep making wolf references.
PALE BOY: Shhhh. Those are sly nods to the fans who’ve read the other books.
PALE GIRL: There are more books?
PALE BOY: Yes, three more.
PALE GIRL: And we’re contractually obliged to appear in those films, too?
PALE BOY: Afraid so.
PALE GIRL: My agent is so dead.
BAD GUY VAMPIRE: I’m going to eat you. You can tell your boyfriend to avenge you.
PALE GIRL: Now? Or after I’m dead?
BAD GUY VAMPIRE: Well, not right now. I’m going to kill you right now.
PALE GIRL: Hmmm. Maybe I could leave a note for him. About the avenging?
BAD GUY VAMPIRE: Okay, that would work.
PALE BOY: Excuse me, some plot has come up. I must go wrassle this evil vampire.
PALE GIRL: Don’t mind me, I’ll be over here pining. And yearning. And bleeding.
PALE BOY: Would you like to go to prom with me?
PALE GIRL: Will there be a gazebo with fairy lights?
PALE BOY: Yes.
PALE GIRL: Will I feel like the most special, moody princess in the world?
PALE BOY: Yes.
PALE GIRL: Will there be synchronized group dancing?
PALE BOY: No.
PALE GIRL: Okay.
PALE GIRL: Our love is eternal.
PALE BOY: Our angst is interminable.
AUDIENCE: Our patience is finite.
4 comments:
So I'm the same as you.. I LOVED the books but I went to the first movie and just laughed most of the movie looking at Kelsi saying... "really? This is a joke right?"
The previews for the second looked so much better and you're telling me it's just as bad. Of course we'll still go see it. But thanks for the review.. I'm not going to put my hopes too high :)
I agree completely with that last comment. I was obsessed with the books...but after seeing the 1st movie, started to wonder if I was just silly. Glad to know it's just the movies that are silly. (Ok, maybe not just.) I know I'm no expert actress myself, but seriously? This was the best they could do in the casting department? Come on! Yes, they must look good, but they have to speak, too! Sheesh!
Was there a new moon last week?
Hee, hee. Sorry, I'm just not in love with the books. Or the movies. I'm the odd ball, I know.
Pretty funny dialogue though, thanks for sharing. :)
I just saw this today. I definitely like this better than the first one, but I'm pretty sure we could have shaved off at least a half hour of the movie if the dialog went just a tad quicker between the characters. :)
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