Dear Asshat.....

I haven't written much in the way of blogs lately for various reasons. I also haven't written much for KSL.com until last week when I was asked to pick up my "5 questions you've always wanted answered" column again. (Latest article can be found on the sidebar. Plug. Plug. Plug.)

I know, I know. You're welcome. I'm sure you were wondering what happened to it, and I'm certain there were angry letters sent to KSL demanding I give the people what they want; trivia about dogs and idioms.

I had to ask myself what was making me so lazy about writing for KSL. Truth be told, I am and have always been thin skinned. Doing anything publically always feels brutal even when it's successful. I hate criticism. I take it all to heart. I can remember criticism from my first grade teacher when I wrote the < symbol instead of the > symbol during a math lesson. I can recall in detail being told I was horrible at kick ball in the third grade from a boy named Matt Dorough.

 I ran into Matt Dorough 15 years later. "HEY! It's Nikki Bull!" He came up to me with his hand out and I took it limply, recognizing him immediately. I was a complete bitch to him because I remembered verbatim how he said I ran too slow and couldn't kick past the pitcher. If I had a kickball handy, I would have kicked it at him. He looked dumbfounded during our conversation. Probably totally confused about why I was snarky.  Apparently he underestimated how long a woman can hold a grudge. I don't care. He deserved it. My third grade self was redeemed.

If I thought hard enough, I could tell you every piece of criticism I've ever received through theater, dance, voice, writing, about my hair, my skin, my clothes, how I drive, my cooking...It all stings. And when it stings, I quit. It's not healthy. I've always assume the critiquer knows more than I do.

When I was 18, I was in a dreadful play called "Under the Yum Yum Tree." I was the lead and I worked my tail off, but the director and I didn't mesh. He was a celebrity. He was this guy.

on the left

He was on "The Power Rangers," so you see, he must have known what he was talking about when he said that I "just wasn't pulling it off." Anyone with that level of success was obviously right, and so I quit. I finished the run of the play and never did theater again. If the fat guy from Power Rangers thought I was talentless than I probably was. Looking back, it's possible I gave Man Boobs more credit than he deserved.

So I'm back in the saddle again, writing my weekly article. Ignoring the overweight ex-chid television star in my head. It's time to turn over a new leaf and put my big girl panties on. I can't take criticism lying down. So while I've been advised not to respond to comments I receive about my articles, I got a lovely little email today from a reader in Utah that I just couldn't help but reply to.

Our conversation went a little something like this.

From: speakingcompassion1@gmail.com 11:48 am

 

If a man had written: "First off, women are probably second in intelligence, right guys?" the writer would have been called a sexist moron.  I highly take issue5 questions you've always wanted answered with this in today's KSL.com article. Yes, it was supposed to be funny but it's not.

A few seconds later, I received a second email from the same man.

From: speakingcompassion1@gmail.com 11:50 am

Correction:

 

If a man had written: "First off, women are probably second in intelligence, right guys?" the writer would have been called a sexist moron.  I highly take issue with this in today's KSL.com article. Yes, it was supposed to be funny but it's not

From: Me

Dear Speakingcompassion,

First off, thanks for taking the time to re-write your email. The second one was far more grammatically correct, so kudos to you my friend! And can I just say how ironic it is that I'm receiving such criticism from someone with your email address. You can't make that shit up.

And boy, did you call me out! I am, in fact, a sexist moron. Ya got me! But what strikes me as odd is that over 10,000 people read my article today and only one person took the time out of their day to write, then re-write (again, kudos!) complaining about a harmless joke. But you're right. Had a man written that joke, you bet your sweet ass there would have been a firestorm of controversy and the article would have been pulled. But I got away with it! Mwa ha ha ha! I'll let you in on a little secret, Speakingcompassion. I'm really a man. Jokes on you!

I may be alone in my thinking, but when you look at the historical and even current oppression of women, we've earned the right to poke fun harmlessly at men from time to time. Sort of in the same respect that Snoop Dogg can use the "n word," but Eminem would get bitch slapped. Bill Cosby would totally disagree, but I digress.

Any-hoo friend, it was a lame joke. Lighten up. I'm sorry you felt the need to be offended by something so inconsequential. How sad for you.

 

-Nicole

From: speakingcompassion@gmail.com

So, without even knowing my history of being an abuse victim. I'm just supposed to lighten up? Great advice. Thanx. The joke wasn't funny.

From: Me

You're right. I'm not funny. I don't have a funny bone in my body.

But you know who does? Your mom. Every night for $1.


Kidding! I didn't write that last response, but I sure wanted to. I'm sure it was unprofessional. I'm sure I'd get reprimanded if it came down to it. And I'm sure I don't care. Sometimes you can't let the asshats of the world walk all over you.